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10 Startling Reasons You’re Still Not Happy

not happy

Yeah, can you believe it? After all this time you’re still not happy. I know you’re wondering what’s wrong.

They all say in order to be happy you have to be positive. A negative outlook doesn’t lead a positive life. So you slap on a happy face.

You put on your best fake smile whenever people walk by you. But, as soon as their out of your sight, that perky smile whittles into an awkward looking frown.

Honestly, you end up looking more constipated then you do pleased.

Your facial expression, unbeknownst to you, stays that way until you notice someone else approaching. Then it’s a big grin again for the next 2.5 seconds before it fades again.

But you can’t keep the smile on for long, or even look delighted, because reality seeps back in.

Stop Faking It

You’ve been wearing a phony smile for a while. And not just for passing strangers and co-workers but for yourself also.

You thought pretending to be happy would actually make you happy one day (or at least make things more bearable). But you’ve been doing it for so long and nothing has changed.

In fact, things probably feel like they’re getting worse and harder to deal with.

You know that whole fake it until you make it thing? Well, you’ve been doing it here, and it’s not working… at all!

Ignoring the issue will not make it go away. You may not be doing it on purpose, but you can’t turn a blind eye to it anymore.

At this rate, this bad, coping habit will keep you unhappy forever.

And we’re just scratching the surface here. This is a cover-up for other unhappy related habits. There’s much more to this, like the reasons why you have to pretend.

All in all, these habits make it impossible to be happy, which is why you’re not happy.

They say, a bad habit are like a comfortable bed, easy to get into, hard to get out of. You know exactly what I mean, that feeling that comes right after you hit the snooze button on the alarm in the morning.

The only thing you can do is get rid of these repellent habits. Eliminating them will end your need to pretend to be happy, because for once you’ll actually feel it.

Here are the habits you need to ditch for true happiness:

1. Caring what others think

I think there is a saying that goes something like, other people’s opinions of me are none of my business. And it’s true.

You can do the right thing all the time and constantly put everyone else before yourself, and someone (or number of people) will always find some way to criticize you. It’s just inevitable.

People like to talk, and a lot of the time it’ll be about you. You can’t allow yourself to get caught up in it.

At the end of the day, it really does not matter what they think of you. It only matters what you think of you.

Their perspective is not your business. It holds no weight in your world.

2. Talking smack about yourself

Other people’s cruel words are the only ones you have to worry about. You can be talking smack too.

This is very common when you put emphasis on other’s negative opinions about yourself. You start to believe what they’re saying. You buy into it so much that you keep reminding yourself of and focusing on these faults.

Whether they are true or not you don’t need to dwell on them. You’re not solving any problems by doing this, you’re actually making things worse.

Life is already challenging enough, you don’t need to add to it.

3. Restlessly looking for more

Having big dreams are awesome but if you can’t even allow yourself to enjoy what you do have, you’re just complaining in a different way.

Having a $10 million dollar home would be really nice but don’t knock where you stay now. A bigger, more luxurious house will have some features that you could really enjoy but realize that you’re not living in a shack.

Focusing so hard on the unnecessary and not appreciating what you already have keeps you from being happy now.

4. Dare to compare

You’re different, she’s different, he’s different. None of us are the same. You may think that two people have enough similarities to make a fair comparison but you’re wrong.

It’s like comparing apples and oranges. Yeah, they’re both round and grow on trees but they’re different on the inside and out.

Comparing yourself to someone else is fruitless (see what I just did there) and a waste of time.

5. Living in your mistakes

Everyone screws up every now and then. It just happens.

Once it’s over and done with there’s nothing you can do about it. You can’t turn back time, so there’s no point in constantly reminding yourself of them.

Let it go and move forward, in a positive direction.

6. Placing blame

It’s easy to blame someone else for your trouble. It even seems better because it makes you seem flawless. But when you do that you become a bystander in your own life.

Blaming someone gives them all the power in the situation. You don’t have the ability to change things in anyway. You’re helpless.

Regardless of the details of what really happened, if you’re involved you have the ability to do something. Don’t rob yourself of that.

7. Being a Yes Man

As much as you want to, you can’t be everything to everybody. And you can’t do it all.

You need some time for yourself, just to relax and reenergize. It’s hard to do that when you’re running around like a chicken with its head cut off.

You may want to help others but before it becomes too much, stop. Remember, their responsibilities are theirs, they can handle it.

8. Waiting for perfection

If you wait for the perfect moment you’ll be waiting forever. There’s always room for improvement.

So waiting for things to get better is really just a moving target. There will always be something that can be better. In other words, it won’t happen.

Stop wasting your time, cause that’s all you’re doing. Remember, the clock only moves in one direction.

9. Sticking to the same ‘ole

There’s comfort in the usual, and fear in the unknown. But is life really worth living if every single day of your life is a carbon copy of the previous day? Or previous years???!

Don’t be scared to get out there and try something different. It’s what life is about.

How else are you going to know what you like? Trying new things is the only way.

10. Doing too much

I know, I know. There are probably a number of things in your life that you would love to all miraculously change at once, but that’s really hard to do. Yeah, I said it, it’s the truth.

Doing too much at one time is hard to juggle. You end up falling behind on something, getting frustrated and giving up everything (since you started it as a package deal, you end it that way as well).

Don’t make the load too heavy to carry.

Now You’ll Be Making It

Faking it until you make it has its place but not where your happiness is concerned. Being happy is just not something that happens on its own, you have to cultivate it.

Pretending seems like the easier task but in the end it just sends you round and round, in circles. You never actually get to a happy place.

If you want to be happy you’re going to have to give up these hindering habits. Don’t prolong the path to your happiness anymore. You can have it much sooner than you think.


Tell me…          

Which one do you identify the most with?




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About Lea

Lea is a certified life coach, foodie and lifehack expert. Don’t end up like the millions of people who gave up on their dreams, get unstuck and to the next level. Take the eye-opening Live Your Dreams course now to get moving!

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  • Hi Lea,

    Loved these reasons you shared and really loved that you shared other peoples opinions are not any of your business. Good one. We can’t please everyone and many people who are not happy with themselves have a difficult time seeing others happy. At least that has been my experience. I wish it was easier to identify their unhappiness so they can be more comfortable working on themself.
    I really liked your reasons you listed and agree that faking it does not create a happy person. Keep smiling Lea. It’s awesome, right?


    • Lea

      Hi Irish,

      Very good point. I’ve noticed that as well. Just another reason why you should not be too concerned with their opinions.

      Faking it is so temporary. Unfortunately there is no short cut to doing the work. Pretending just won’t cut it.

      It totally is! 🙂

      Thanks for contributing Irish


  • Hey Lea,

    A timely reminder about being honest with oneself. As I was going down your points, I could relate to each and everyone of them. However this post for me showed me how far I have traveled and how much I have grown. I feel grounded.

    I do smile when I don’t feel like it. Not for any other reason than I don’t want to have to explain what is wrong. But I no longer am over eager. Pretending my whole world is wonderful, will be wonderful and nothing ever goes wrong. Never wanting to burden others was a fault.


    • Lea

      Hi Rachel,

      That’s really wonderful. To be able to overcome and finally feel stable is amazing. I’m glad this post gave you the opportunity to reflect and acknowledge your journey. I think that is needed from time to time.

      Thanks for sharing Rachel 🙂


  • Hi Lea – several of those I can identify with… some I have beaten.
    On the plus side:
    *I realised that I would never be as unkind to anyone else, as I was to myself, so I’m much kinder to myself now.
    * I allow myself to say No.
    Still work-in-progress….
    * I take on far more than I can handle
    * I’m still a perfectionist – however much I know it can’t be achieved.
    Great list of reasons for being unhappy, and a good starting point towards being happy.

    Joy – Blogging After Dark

    • Lea

      Hi Joy,

      Oooooh, that’s great! Isn’t it crazy how polite you’ll be to a complete stranger but drag yourself through the mud?

      Yeah, saying no is an adjustment. But as long as you keep working at it.

      I think these are important to know because you can’t get to your destination if you don’t know where you are. You need a starting point to move on.

      Hope you have a plan to lighten the load for yourself 🙂


  • Oh Lea,

    The amount of smack talk I did – about myself and others. It’s no wonder I was miserable for so long.

    That whole “fake it till you make it” thing – as you’ve said, it does serve a purpose, but most of us misuse this.
    The idea isn’t to lie to ourselves. It’s to take action in the direction of our desires – even when there is no physical evidence (yet) to back it up.

    It’s called Faith. But to have real Faith, it has to be honest.

    Great list. Very simple stuff here. Us humans tend to complicate things, don’t we?

    • Lea

      I’m right there with ya Dana,

      When I started to become more self aware I realized that I started each day talking smack. Just mumbling or thinking about it to myself, coming out of nowhere.

      Great point! It’s for motivation not deception. And it is often mis and over used.

      Sure do! It’s crazy that we do that to ourselves 🙂


  • Excellent post Lea. Truthfully, I am a “chronically” happy person so, while I’m all too familiar with each of the points you’ve raised, I can’t say that I personally relate to them. I think a big part of that is that is my internal focus. I don’t rely on things or other people for my happiness because stuff (and people) can be taken away from you. True lasting happiness comes from the inside so I hope your readers will follow your advice because we are each hardwired to be happy.

    • Lea

      Thanks Marquita.

      That’s great, you’re really lucky. I agree with you on having happiness come from within. Things and people come and go so it isn’t ideal to anchor your happiness on them.

      Yup, it’s in there! You just have to realize who’s in control.

      Enjoy the weekend ahead 🙂


  • Hey Lea,

    This is a nice list.

    One thing that I learned is to get myself to live in the moment.

    Yes we all think of the past and we think of what may happen in the future. But best thing to focus on is what have you learned in the past to make yourself a better person today, and what can you do now to become a better you tomorrow.

    But I do have to say that #10 hit home. I get so excited sometimes about becoming cognizant of something new. I want to learn everything but I know that would be a huge challenge. I don’t want to be an octopus on roller-skates, going everywhere, but really going no where. This wouldn’t help with my happiness lol

    Thanks for the share Lea! I hope you’re enjoying your week!

    • Lea

      Hey Sherman,

      Yeah, and sometimes we are too focus on what has happened and what is yet to happen that we don’t look at the now.

      An octopus on roller-stakes lol, nice visual. It absolutely wouldn’t. I think thats why we always need to make sure that we’re making progress and being productive. You can be distracted by doing a million things without realizing that you’re still stuck in the same spot.

      Sherman make sure you enjoy the rest of the week!


  • Mark Newsome

    So nicely said as usual Lea!

    And I really love in number four, “Dare to compare”
    where you point out, both apples and oranges are both round, and
    both grow on trees, but are entirely different!LOL!

    That’s an awesome way to explain our individuality!Thanks!

    Numbers 3 & 6 speak volumes too! All said, all ten reasons
    basically add to why, we may still find ourselves in Unhappysville!LOL!

    Thanks for showing us the way out of town asap!LOL!

    • Lea

      Thanks Mark!

      Lol, they are though right?! At a glance they look similar enough but you know there’s a huge difference when eating them.

      Thanks for noticing Mark. I try to be creative and simple with it.

      Yes! Unhappysville, population: a lot! lol

      Always glad to provide an escape 🙂


  • Stella Chiu

    Hi, Lea

    Many unhappy people are the result of 10 bad habits in our life. Glad that you listed them out in this post.
    i agree with you that if we want true happiness, we have to cultivate it by giving up the bad habits.

    “Placing blame” is the biggest problem for any one to be happy. Since he does not see his weakness so that there will be no thought of changing his behavior. the same mistake will be repeated for sure.

    Love the post!

    will Share!

    – Stella Chiu

    • Lea

      Hi Stella,

      Yup, your happiness starts and ends with you. No one else can do it for you. It’s just something we have complete control over for ourselves.

      That’s right. Placing blame eliminates your ability to grow and improve in addition to taking away your power. The cycle will definitely continue, regardless of who else is involved. So you can always blames others but when you’re the common denominator you have to start looking in the mirror for a change.

      Thanks Stella! Glad you enjoyed!


  • Oh wow Lea,

    It just makes me so sad that there are so many people out there today that are still not happy. I know that a lot of them have outside things that are probably dragging them down so I can definitely understand when you have those types of things surrounding you everyday that it’s hard to be happy and upbeat.

    I know though that happiness comes from within. It’s something that only we can do something about. All of these things that you mentioned, they are things we have to deal with personally. We need to believe in who we are as a person and know that at the end of the day the only person we have to live with is ourselves.

    It’s easier said then done, it’s a process for most but I think your list has probably given them a pretty terrific start. Thanks for always inspiring us and keeping us on the right tract to being the best person we can be.

    Enjoy your day now.


    • Lea

      Hi Adrienne,

      You’re exactly right. I think people tend to get to caught up in outside opinions and forget what really matters and counts. You are the one who lives your life so you shouldn’t let the external carry so much weight.

      Yes… good things take time but I’m sure you can agree it’s surely worth the effort.

      Enjoy the rest of the week.


  • Hi Lea,

    These are many ways that one can be unhappy and I’m so glad you listed them. I’m sure that many will be enlightened if they see themselves in at least one of these issues.

    For me, #10 sure is my enemy. I’m usually mindful of not doing too much at once, but there are times when I fall into that trap. I don’t get unhappy as much as depressed or even physically ill. It can be one of those “monsters” that I need to work on.

    Thanks so much!


    • Lea

      Hi Donna,

      I can see how that can be a tough one to tackle. We always want to help others and do more for ourselves but unfortunately we’re all working with fixed time. So you definitely have to watch out for spreading yourself too thin.

      Thanks for sharing. Have an awesome week.