Anger is an emotion that we often experience and it's perfectly normal to be angry. However, it's how we handle our anger that spells the difference in how well or badly a situation develops.
Do you often get angry, say or do things you end up regretting later?
Before controlling my anger, my emotions would put me in such a rage you would think a tornado hit the room. I would have no regard or consideration for lasting effects my actions would leave. It often made things much worse.
You don't need to be controlled by anger.
Use the following strategies to manage your anger more effectively:
Be aware of how you're feeling – You can manage your anger better if you're always aware of your emotions. When you do this, you can proactively control angry feelings that may be brewing.
Identify your emotions – You need to pinpoint exactly what you're feeling because often, we mistake anger for other emotions.
We may just be frustrated or annoyed, but because you fail to identify your emotion at the time you're feeling it, mere annoyance or frustration could develop into full-blown anger.
Know the signs of anger – Precursors to anger are irritation, frustration, and annoyance. All these things are signs of an impending anger.
When you know what’s coming or what it can develop into, you can better handle or prevent it.
Take yourself out from the situation or place that may cause you to get angry – Once you sense frustration, irritation, or annoyance, you need to leave or take yourself out of the situation or area. This way, you can arrest anger before it has a chance to get the better of you and make you say or do things you know you'll regret later.
By removing yourself from the situation or place, you're giving yourself the chance to cool down and reflect.
Let others know how you feel – If you're annoyed, irritated, or frustrated, let the people who are with you know that.
State your feelings briefly, adding that you're going outside to take a short walk or go in another room so you can calm down. Then what you want to do is leave right away.
Don't stop and wait for them to ask. You don't need to make a lengthy explanation of your feelings. It's when you're annoyed, frustrated, or irritated that you're a lot likely to get into a discussion that may just fan those flames of anger.
Make it known to your significant other that you're trying to learn how to effectively manage your anger – Your partner or spouse would likely be happy to hear this and even be happier that you decided to share this with them.
So whenever you sense yourself getting all worked up, let your significant other know that you need to walk away for a while to cool down a bit.
Learn to let go of negative emotions and move on – Every time you're feeling high strung and full of negative emotions, you need to learn to let go of those feelings.
Here's a simple technique you can try: close your eyes and imagine all your anger or any negative emotion being lifted up and gathered in a big, black cloud.
Next, imagine that cloud drifting farther and farther away. Then tell yourself that you won't hold grudges. Do this whenever you're feeling a lot of anger. The thought of it leaving you should be soothing and aid in relaxation.
Write down what you're feeling – For some people, it helps to write about their frustrations and anger.
This simple act of writing helps to release those negative emotions. Visualize yourself dumping out all your frustrations, annoyances, irritations, and anger on the page.
After you're finished writing, you're also finished with those feelings. It can be such a relief mentally to write anything down. Getting it out can help greatly.
Be kinder to yourself – Keep reminding yourself that you've gone far and that you're going to get through your negative emotions.
Try doing things that lift up your mood. Turn on the TV and watch a comedy show. Play some happy music. Take your dog out for a brisk walk. Start washing your car. Any activity that can relax you or help you calm down is great.
You shouldn't rely on food, drugs, or alcohol to calm you down or make you feel better. If you think you need a drink, drink water or herbal tea.
Talk about the situation at a later time – The best time to talk about something that has upset you is when you're not upset or angry.
If your partner or spouse was involved in your feelings of anger, talk about it when you're a lot calmer. And when you talk about the situation, do so in a calm voice. When people begin to shout, often enough the message they are trying to get across is not receive as the other person gets caught up in how it was presented.
Be proud for the small victories – Learn to recognize those times when you were able to avoid anger.
Those are times you successfully gained control over your emotions. You should be proud of those small accomplishments because they take you closer to being able to effectively manage your anger.
Also reflect on the strategies used as they can become helpful for your next stint with your emotions.
When you're able to control your anger instead of anger controlling you, you'll find that you have elevated self-esteem and you're a lot more content with your life. Use the strategies above and you'll be a better spouse or partner and an overall happier person… with less negative consequences to deal with afterward.
Is your anger out of control? How has it made things worse? How do you keep your emotions in check?