I remember when I experienced my first tough break up. I was dating the guy for a couple of years and he became a part of my everyday life. So naturally when we decided to go our separate ways it was a very hard adjustment.
I knew the relationship had to end but it was so painful. Actually, so much that I started to doubt myself. I began thinking maybe it was the wrong decision, maybe the pain of staying together would be easier to bear than being apart.
But I couldn’t go back. I knew deep down that I had to stick with my decision. It was the best thing for me.
So I did what any normal person without a clue did, lied in my bed and sulked. All I remember seeing is the inside of my covers.
I probably did everything you’re not supposed to do when you’re trying to get over someone.
I almost made the mistake of jumping into another relationship just to fill the void. But I remembered what that did to other people.
They’d go on one-off dates with different people then end up back in the arms of their Ex just to break up all over again. I definitely didn’t want to get wrapped up in the vicious cycle of getting back together then breaking up.
So I just continued to stay inside and mop around. Then when I was finally able to move on with my love life it seemed like I had wasted an eternity.
I knew it wasn’t going to happen in an instance. Like I said we were together for years and I was used to seeing him very regularly. But since the days continued to go on without him in sight, they just seemed that much longer.
And of course it didn’t seem like he was having the same difficulties I was having, which just made everything worse.
As I got older I became more experienced and I didn’t have the luxury of just lying around until I felt like I could do something. So I figured out a few ways on how to get over your ex, without putting a kibosh on the rest of your life.
10 Ways to Get Over Your Ex
1. Don’t kid yourself, it’s over
First things first, you need to accept that. Denial is the first phase of any recovery.
It’s easy to think that this is just a thing you guys are going through and you’ll be back together in no time. And sometimes couples do that but it’s typically the dynamic of their relationship and the break up is a ruse.
If you know deep down that this is it, it’s over, don’t ignore it. The quicker you accept reality, the quicker (and easier) it’ll be to get over them.
2. Trash their stuff
If your Ex has left anything that belongs to them in your possession return it to them. If they don’t want it back, chuck it.
In fact, if you have anything at work, in your car or home that reminds you of them it can be hard to look at. So throw that out too.
Get rid of anything that the two of you shared that now makes you miserable. Just purge them out of your life. It’s much easier to forget about someone when you don’t have constant reminders of them, and what used to be.
If your friend has old photos of you guys together at their place or on their page, ask them to get rid of them or take them down. For fun you can Photoshop their head out and replace it with your celebrity crush J.
Now, don’t get too crazy. If you have valuable items from your relationship you probably shouldn’t just toss those. Instead put them away, in the back of your closet or garage so you don’t have to view them often. Yet you can still get back to them when you’re ready.
3. Dodge them
Seeing your Ex can stir up a lot of emotions, maybe even cause you to relapse (enter vicious cycle). If seeing them hurts too much, avoid them.
Make arrangements so you can collect your things without much interaction and make sure the last time you saw them continues to be the final time.
Perhaps you can be friends in the future, if it interests you both. But now is not the time, not even to discuss it. If it’s meant to be you’ll be friends again when you’re both disconnected from each other romantically.
Right now, it’s just going to confuse your heart.
4. Don’t make any big decisions
When you break up with someone you might feel like you have to move across the country to move on but you don’t. Running from your problems isn’t going to make them any easier to deal with.
Postpone any impending life changing decisions until after you’ve gotten a handle on your emotions. You don’t want to make any hasty decisions with this state of mind.
5. You don’t need to rebound
Don’t immediately jump into another relationship. In order for your next relationship to have a fighting chance you have to be focused on the relationship and that person, not your Ex.
Otherwise you could end up sabotaging a potentially good relationship by comparing your current mate to your Ex or punishing them for what your Ex has done to you.
I know I just said not to get into a rebound relationship but that doesn’t mean you can’t have a little fun.
If you’ve caught someone’s eye, revel in it. Clearly you still got it. Acknowledge that.
A little flirting doesn’t mean you have to commit to them, in some cases you can flirt without even speaking.
Just have a little fun and realize that there are still people out there interested in you.
7. Get back to you
Often when you get into a relationship you let a part of you fall by the wayside.
Reconnect with your desires and goals. Figure out what you really want, what would make you happy, that has nothing to do with them.
What did you stop doing that you like, when you got into the relationship? Focus on yourself.
8. Get a hobby
Similarly, do something interesting or new, just for fun. Find a new creative outlet.
Maybe there was something you always wanted to do but your Ex wasn’t interested. Perhaps you wanted to learn archery but your Ex was a putz with a bow and arrow. Now is the time to do it without any reservations. They’re not holding you back anymore!
9. Don’t allow yourself to become a hermit
Don’t do what I did, just stay home and sulk. It’s important to get out and redirect your attention.
Hang out with your family, do something fun with your friends. The people who love you are the best ones to lift your spirits. Let them, don’t stop being social because it disrupts your misery. You should want to feel better, not worse.
10. Take it slow
When you’re finally ready to get back out there don’t rush into anything. If you were previously in a long term relationship, don’t expect for your next relationship to pick up right where that left off.
Go slowly and don’t do too much too soon. You shouldn’t be buying clothes or picking out outfits for someone you just started dating.
And most of all, don’t constantly talk about your Ex to them. They don’t know them, so they don’t want to hear it. Besides if you feel the need to do that then revert back to the other 9 tips, because that’s just a sign that you’re still not over them.
Breaking up with someone can leave open wounds that seem like only a lifetime can heal but you don’t have to endure it for nearly that long. With these tips you’ll be able to effectively move on.
Once you’re completely over them it’ll be a breeze to get back to a place where you can efficiently focus on your goal of having a wonderful relationship with someone great.
No more wondering how to get over your Ex. Soon enough you’ll realize that you’re ready to get back in the game and find someone new.
Have you had a hard time getting over an Ex? What did you do that really helped?