I know the feeling. You’ve tried a couple of things in an attempt to make some headway but it just seems like you’re running in place.
There are times when you get so frustrated, you don’t know what to do anymore. You don’t understand what you’re doing wrong.
Why aren’t you getting anywhere? Why aren’t things moving?
Where’s that breakthrough!
You need something. Some type of consistent progress to show things are moving along in the right direction. Because at this point you’re starting to doubt that you are.
But you can easily tell when someone else is screwing up.
You’re talking to a friend about one of your siblings. Your friend asks how they are doing. You quickly provide them with generic comment.
But shortly after you go into how your sibling screwed up majorly.
You go into all the details about how he shouldn’t have done this and he should’ve done that instead. How this resulted in that and that’s why their life is a big fat mess.
Now, somewhere in between, “How’s your brother doing?” and your response, what was a conversation between you and your friend has become a monologue filled with your critical opinions of how your brother is living is life.
Your friend was just being polite in asking you about someone in your family but you turned it into an all-out bashing session starring you, judging others.
But look at your life. You can’t even break down the barrier to progress.
It’s like you’re running a race on a treadmill, you’re going through the motions but still aren’t getting anywhere.
You can’t figure out your own stuff but you know exactly what your brother should be doing. And have a laundry list of suggestions, ready to fire away whenever anyone asks you anything related to him.
There’s definitely something wrong here.
Why Do We Judge People
If you can come up with a blueprint of what your brother should be doing and you can’t figure out how to make things work for yourself, you have a huge problem.
And it’s bigger than you think.
How can you be that involved in someone else’s life when you don’t even have yours altogether?
And I’m sure your brother hasn’t prompted for this level of interference. He probably knows nothing about it.
You’re not even helping him in any way, you just discussion it with everyone else.
Or perhaps you have mentioned it to him a couple of times. But when you’re spewing it out in the same judgmental manner in which you shared it with your friend, it’s no wonder he didn’t listen.
No one wants to hear advice, even if it’s good, when the “subject matter expert” is talking down to them in a very judgmental, finger pointing way.
So give it up. You’re not helping him and you’re just distracting yourself from the real issue.
Instead of confronting your own issues of frustration and stagnation you’re taking aim at everyone else.
I know, after dealing with your crap all day the last thing you’d think to do is get deeper into it. But it’s a whole lot more effective than getting into someone else’s.
You’re all too familiar with the toxic cycle that judging others gets you caught up in.
You shove your judgments down their throats, they lash out against you, doors are slammed following dramatic exits and a period of the silent treatment between the two of you begins.
Instead of dealing with that unnecessary drama wouldn’t you just rather feel better about your life in general?
Eliminate the frustration and get things going. That’s where you should be.
After all, you’re only looking at their issues because you’re avoiding your own. When their issues come with so much more than you bargained for, don’t bother.
Just suck it up and deal with yours.
Stop Being Judgmental
Yup, that’s it. Just stop.
Stop trying to make decisions for other people.
Stop acting like their life is your own. Stop telling them what to do.
Just stop it.
When someone asks you about your brother or what he’s up to, when you respond remember to cut him a break. No one wants to mess up on purpose, so take it easy on him.
You can’t get ahead by putting other people down. Making them look or feel bad will not make your situation any better.
Whenever possible, focus on yourself.
You don’t need any more distractions. It takes the focus away from what it should actually be on.
You have a lot of work to do and it won’t get done if you’re trying to solve problems that others don’t want you to be a part of.
You need a breakthrough in your life to end the stagnation. This is the ticket.
Remember this the next time you find yourself judging others:
1. They make mistakes too
You aren’t the only one who’s floundering and trying to get a grasp on things.
There is no absolute guide to life, and definitely not for the life you’re trying to live. Everyone is just trying to figure things out, just like you.
If they knew the best way to do things they’d already be doing it that way. No one purposely makes a mistake.
They’re doing the best they can at the moment. Mistakes are simply part of the learning process.
Don’t belittle someone for going through the same process you are.
2. Stay in a positive frame of mind
Whenever you’re judging others your mind goes into this dark, negative place which is evident based on your comments. A place where you think everyone else isn’t so smart and continue to do idiotic things.
The thing is when you’re done criticizing other person’s actions, your mind stays in this negative place. You then continue on with a cynical attitude about life.
Suddenly everything irritates you and you have an undying need to rant about any single thing for hours.
So instead of fixing things you’re complaining about them.
There you go again getting distracted.
It’s a lose-lose situation.
3. Have faith
You could find comfort in being judgmental when you have a hard time believing in yourself.
When you’re dealing with that you tend to feel a little better reflecting on someone else in an inferior situation. Especially if it’s something you would have avoided.
But this says little about their situation and much more about you.
You’re having doubts about yourself and are reflecting your feelings onto others.
This is just another way to avoid dealing with your issues. Instead, confront them and rebuild your self-esteem.
4. Release control
Stop being a control freak.
It’s not your life, it’s theirs. They can live it however they want.
You cannot live vicariously through them. You have to live your own life and do things your own way.
So stop expecting other people to do and think as you would. We’re all individuals and are different for a reason.
Embrace that. One day you’ll appreciate it.
5. Timing is everything
Time is a funny thing. You always have it but there never seems to be enough. And once you waste it, you can’t get it back.
So if you’re spending your time making judgments about others instead of figuring out your next move, you’re not spending your time wisely. In fact, you’re wasting it.
Instead of talking at lengths about what others are doing, figure out another way to best use your energy.
I’m sure there is something much more important in your life that could use your attention.
6. Get focused
When you’re accustom to judging others you do it often, and without you even noticing.
Anyone can easily disrupt your focus by simply asking your opinion. It seems like nothing at the moment but it usually isn’t as short-lived as it should be.
You can’t make a breakthrough in your life when you’re focused on everything else outside of it.
Making a lasting change requires focus, consistency and time. So you can’t waste any.
7. Uncover your goals
You’ll find that you may have a lot to say about others’ lives when you have nothing going on in yours.
Think about how your life is and how you want it to be. Consider how happy you are and what would make your happier.
Think about bridging the gap between the two and commit yourself to that task.
Stop Being Judgmental
You may think that your judgments of others are harmless or helpful but in every case it is neither. When you tell other people how to live you can damage a perfectly good relationship.
Not to mention it becomes a counterproductive distraction for you.
Judging others isn’t going to help you make the breakthrough that you’re looking for. Instead it’s going to ensure that you stay in the same frustrating and stagnant cycle.
This will continue because instead of addressing your own issues you’re too busy passing judgment on others.
Don’t let this distraction eat up any more of your time, energy or focus. You’ve done enough of that already.
Committing to living a judgment free life means enhancing your own life.
It time to take back control.
Are you able to stop judging others?