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The Real Reason You Always Feel Defeated and How to Get Over It

low self esteem

There you are.

Sprawled out on the floor, looking limp and disconnected.

Just awkwardly lying there as if you cannot move. Even if you could it wouldn’t matter because you’re not trying to.

That may not be your literal physical state right now. But it’s the perfect picture to describe your mental state.

Your extremely exhausted, but you haven’t really done anything.

You know nothing will motivate you, even though you haven’t tried a thing.

Just simply thinking about doing something has you ready to throw in the towel.

If this is how you start you’ll never finish.

If you carry on like this, sooner or later you will be literally on the ground.

Your Opponent Is Closer Than You Think

Hard punches to the gut.

That’s probably exactly how it feels.

Like someone just knocked the wind out of you. Like someone wound up everything they had and socked you right in the gut.

Leaving you shaken and hurt.

But the worst part is that someone is you. You’ve been kicking your own butt.

Of course not literally, but metaphorically speaking.

Yeah, the way you talk to yourself is offensive. It’s disgusting. And the way it’s got you feeling is just down right cruel.

Look what it’s doing to you.

Your poor self talk is bringing you down in the worst way and annihilating your self esteem in the process.

Leaving you one with the floor.

What to Do When Your Butt's Getting Kicked

But that doesn’t mean you should make yourself comfortable. Don’t just lie there letting the feeling of defeat wash over you.

You should fight back every way you can.

You have to decide to squash your negative self talk and build yourself back up.

You wouldn’t let someone just start pummeling you in the street without at least protecting yourself, right?

Well, you shouldn’t let yourself get away with it either.

1. Don’t take yourself that seriously

You can think and say a lot of things to yourself over the course of a day. Like, a lot.

Somethings aren’t bad but it’s the other things you should be concerned with.

Some of the things that you say to yourself about yourself are harsh. And a lot of the times not even true.

So there you are, beating yourself down all about something that isn’t true.

If you would just listen to yourself, you’d realize that you sound like a raving lunatic.

The next time you notice yourself thinking something negative, don’t take it to heart. You’re probably just exaggerating again.

After all, if someone else spoke to you like that you’d avoid them like the plague. So don’t let it have an any impact on you.

2. Be your friend

It seems that when your loved ones need your point of view you share the best wisdom.

Don’t bottle all that up just to give to everyone else. Save some for yourself.

Think about how you talk to a friend in need or even a child. You wouldn’t verbally attack them, so don’t do it to yourself.

Be the friend you need, to yourself.

3. Remember when…

When you feel like you’re getting your butt handed to you it hard to see pass the bruises.

You’re surrounded by failure so you don’t look much farther than that. But you are more than that.

A recent string of bad luck doesn’t define you as a person.

And it damn sure doesn’t rewrite history.

There have been times in the past when you’ve come out triumphant. So go back to that.

Look beyond the current events and remind yourself what you’re capable of.

You’ve accomplished amazing things before. There once was a time when everything was coming up roses. Now it’s just a matter of getting back to that.

Just remind yourself of what you can do and it’ll come shining through.

4. Get it out of your head

You ever had a moment where you couldn’t stop thinking about something?

Just like a random thought came into your head, and even though you were doing something completely unrelated it just wouldn’t go away. Your mind just kept going back to it.

That’s kind of how negative thoughts work.

They keep bugging you and bugging you. You try to think about something else and it just pops back up. It’s like they are relentless!

Well, one way to get rid of them is to jot them down.


Who wants a record of that, right? But it’s not to keep them, it’s to move past it.

When something keeps popping up around your brain, writing it down is one way to address it. It gets it off of your mind.

Then you can finally focus.

5. Put it to the test

How gullible are you?

Do you believe everything you hear?

No, right… at least not initially. You do what any smart, reasonable person would do. You give it some thought and test it out a bit.

So keep doing that. Even with yourself.

So you’ve got that negative thought that you wrote down, right? Look at it for a few seconds. Think about it.

Does it actually make sense?

Does anything support it? Or dispute it?

Chances are it’s probably like a tall tale. Sure it’s a possibility in the land of make believe. But here on earth, that dog just won’t hunt.

Just remember what you’ve done in the past.

Whatever is on that paper, that’s not you.

6. Switch things up

This is probably the oldest trick in the book when it comes to changing your perspective.

It’s next too impossible to stay negative when you realize all the goodness you have around you.

Once you start focusing on things that you have to be appreciative of the negativity will dissipate.

7. Keep your eyes steady

What happens when you keep shifting your eyes around to look at too many things at once?

They start to hurt right? You get dizzy, confused, become overwhelmed and end up in pain.

Well, focusing on the past and pondering the future feels just like that.

You spend so much time and energy focused on everything but the here and now that you end up needing an Excedrin and a good nap.

Focus on what you’re doing now.

Spending too much time on the past or the future will just keep you stagnant.

Focusing on what you’re doing now will make sure it is what it needs to be for tomorrow.

Defeating Defeat

Just because you think it doesn’t make it true, especially when it comes to your thoughts about yourself.

You might think that you can’t do something but if you haven’t started yet you really have no idea. Stop preventing yourself from reaching new heights by bringing yourself down with poor self talk.

If you don’t have good self esteem, you don’t have anything. And you won’t do anything.

Get off the floor, get up and get at ‘em.

You can do anything you want to. You just have to believe it first.


Tell me…

What have you been wanting to do but feel like you can’t?



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About Lea

Lea is a certified life coach, foodie and lifehack expert. Don’t end up like the millions of people who gave up on their dreams, get unstuck and to the next level. Take the eye-opening Live Your Dreams course now to get moving!

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  • Hi Lea,

    You mentioned that having a string of bad luck doesn’t define you as a person – and that’s SUCH an important thought to have.

    I know how easy it is to get caught up in that. We define ourselves by our experiences. More accurately, we define ourselves based on our interpretations of our experiences.

    Everything else here is golden, but that one really stood out to me.

    • Lea

      Hi Dana,
      Great point! I love that, “our interpretations of our experiences.” You’re so right. And perspective plays a big part… in just about everything.
      Thanks so much Dana, really appreciate your input!

  • Hi Lea,

    I just love when you wrote that if we listen to ourselves when we are doing that negative self talk we sound like raving lunatics. It is so true.

    I have done so much work in the past with self talk. It was something learned and done until it became a habit.

    Now, whenever I catch myself I will say the opposite in my head. It’s like a little red flag that pops up and I have to take a step back and breath.

    But I’m not perfect and can sometimes realize those signs when I didn’t catch the negative self talk and find myself tired and have poor concentration. That’s when I bring in the big guns: Affirmations lol


    • Lea

      Hi Donna,
      Isn’t it?! Sometimes some outrageous things come up.
      Good job. That’s a good way to handle it. Canceling it out will redirect your attention to the right thing.
      Good stuff! Different levels of protection are sometimes needed, you have to build up that armor lol.

  • Hi Lea,

    Negative self-talk is something I was REALLY bad at – until it dawned on me that I wouldn’t speak to my worst enemy the way I sometimes spoke to myself. I won’t say I’m completely cured, but at least I am aware enough of it to pull myself up and stop it now.

    Great tips on improving low self-esteem.

    Have a great weekend. Joy – Blogging After Dark

    • Lea

      Hi Joy,
      Isn’t it crazy how you’ll do that to yourself. Treating yourself worse than you would anyone else is definitely a red flag. Sounds like you’re making good progress. Keep it up! Hope you enjoyed the weekend.

  • Chery Schmidt

    Hello Lea! you have done an amazing job with this post my friend! Loved all your tips, Self talk is so important HUH? And know what to say really does matter.

    Great Share
    Chery :))

    • Lea

      Hi Chery,
      Thanks so much! Self talk is everything! You end up listening to it whether you realize it or not.

  • Hey Lea,

    Yes, I do have those days.

    But what I find, and i think others do as well, is that we limit ourselves. We feel that we don’t have any other options when obviously we do.

    I can definitely relate to #4 where you have that nagging thought that really doesn’t relate to anything you’re currently doing. I never thought of writing down, but usually I’ll focus on other things to bring me back to balance.

    Thanks for the share Lea! I hope you have a great upcoming weekend!

    • Lea

      Hey Sherman,
      It happens. Unfortunately it just something we have to deal with every now and then.
      I find that writing it down works well to get it out the way, especially when you keeps popping up.
      Thanks for commenting. Hope you enjoyed your weekend as well!

  • Hey Lea,

    We all get disappointed but the real warrior is who never gives up. When I start blogging, I had a very low self esteem. I used to think about the blogging standards and the growth of other people.
    You know when we take ourselves so seriously, it happens. Being my friend is what worked for me.
    Thanks for sharing with us.

    • Lea

      Hey Ravi,
      I can see how that would happen. When you start out you don’t know what to do or expect so you compare yourself to others. That can be a real downer since most of the time they are further along.
      Thanks for sharing that. You do have to be kind to yourself to build up your confidence.